He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
