I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
