I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
