I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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