Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
