Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
