This girl is more easily done than said...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
