Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
