I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
