Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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