Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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