I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
