hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
