i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
