Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
