If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
