Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
