honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
