this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
