when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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