So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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