who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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