If i come over, it means nothing
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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