My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
