my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
