I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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