meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
