loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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