Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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