i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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