So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
