you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
