my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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