What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
