i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
