At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
