Soap is not a condiment
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
