I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
