Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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