Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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