I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
