well you can't waste a boner
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
