tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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