her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
