Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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