My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
