There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she told me i tasted like america
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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