I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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