Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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