Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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