it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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